Stupid Things Celebrities Say

In my intro post I mentioned I hate and love celebrities without knowing them. This sentence summarizes everything we feel about the whole celebrity phenomena. We have such strong feelings regarding these people we don’t even know and they don’t know us and usually we are just a bunch of idiots reading stuff other idiots told these idiots to say so some stupid paper can print it along with shocking headlines.

Look how good looking I am
 and I don't even care

I too have some celebrities I just love with no reason other than the editor picked their best shots to some movie and some celebrities I just hate with no good reason but I just do.

They always take everything so seriously.. you're only making movies! What I love the most is reading stupid things celebrities say. Who really believes this crap? Who’s buying it?

For example something like: “I just want to act. I hate the fame and the lack of privacy. I wish I was just a regular person”. How many times have you heard some young actor saying that accompanied by a shirtless picture of his new abs? Don’t like the fame? Go act on off off off Broadway one man shows! I promise you no one will ever hear your name again. Wanna be a regular person? Come fill in for me flipping burgers while I’ll go sex your supermodel girlfriend!

My father who has many celebrities as clients always told me “never get involved with a celebrity for they have no grey area. It’s either up or down”. A plumber can’t afford to be like that. He has real things to do.

I would marry the first guy who tell me a knock knock joke

You see!!! I just wanted to write a stupid, funny post about stupid things celebrities say and you got me rambling for an hour. That’s what they do to us!!!

Right after the Golden Globe and before Oscars season,

Here are some more typical gems celebrities say and their true meanings:

"No one would hit on me" – usually said by young actresses or bikini models

"I was an ugly kid" - usually said by an actor moments after he was named a sex symbol.

"I really relate to the role" – how exactly do you relate to a platoon leader in Vietnam? By eating in the new raw Vietnamese place on Rodeo Drive?

"I only look for a Guy who makes me laugh" – you mean he has enough money to get Jerry Seinfeld make you laugh.

"I eat only cakes and ice cream" – that’s how you got these abs? So you throw up only ice cream as well? 

That snack will keep me untill 2nd lunch

"It's genetics" – your parents were cheek bones?

"I'm in a place in my life where I'm looking for a committing relationship" – when I first saw your yacht I just thought “this is a yacht of someone who is ready to commit”

"I don't care what people think. I'm doing my own thing" – you mean your stylist and manager invent your “thing” over lunch.

"That's how my hair looks when I wake up" – do you fall asleep at your hairdresser? That’s rude

"I hate paparazzi" – so go to Africa. Only National Geographic there.

"Being a sex symbol is a burden" – I can help you carry the load.

"My clothing line is young and fresh" – you mean the people who make your clothing are young and fresh.

"You got to have a tough skin" – there’s a great cream for that

I’m sure this post will keep updating in the coming months. If you have some of your own insights feel free to comment, Tweet (#StupidThingsCelebritiesSay) or go to my FB page.

So come on! Make me famous!!

  

Life Is Suffering, Or Is It?

In the first of the Four Noble Truths Buddha said “life is suffering”. There are a lot of discussions surrounding the translation or the real meaning of the phrase and after a long contemplation on the subject I was enlightened and found out the truth. 

Buddha was misunderstood (he had a heavy accent). Life is not suffering, life is surfing.

What's your New Year's Resolution?

Beware of Pessimism or F#@king December

So it's December again. Last year I published a top 10 list of things that will not change in 2011 and boy was I right. Nothing changed 10,000 news cycles later. I’m rarely happy about being right. I would much rather watching everything I predicted being disproved one by one.

December is always another proof we are nothing but animals following our primal instincts but instead of migrating to the warmer south looking for food and breading grounds our thoughts go inside looking for comfort and a brighter future (and let’s face it, breading grounds always). For the Regular Joe it's never an easy time but this year in particular. And not because of the stupid TV commercials.

In a sentence, I'm 30 and still waiting for my great thing to happen. That pretty much sums it up. Every year it’s the same repeating sentence. But 2011 brought something new; I'm starting to realize it may never happen. 

It could be. Many very talented people wait their whole life for this something to come with no relief.  And I am talented. I'm a grade A awesome at almost anything I do. It's just a bunch of wrong turns that brought me to this place I'm having trouble sleeping every night. Yeah… f#@king December.

Q1 Crisis

A while back I wrote about how our life is the most important project we will ever do. According to my life Q1 (0-30 years) report I am not achieving any of the goals I previously projected.

I’m not big on New Year’s resolutions. I try to make a new resolution every morning as I think every day is important and anything can happen.

If you look at the report you’ll notice I was doing great until somewhere around 2005 when I somehow spiralled out of orbit. Since then I’ve been shooting through space looking for something with enough gravity to pull me back into orbit.



Don’t get me wrong, I regret nothing and I learned from everything I did. I have accumulated more wisdom, knowledge and experience than anyone orbiting the same thing all his life.
But this haunting underachieving feeling is the worst.

All I can say is you are not the only one looking for an orbit and it’s time to create your own gravity force because space is big but not big enough for everyone.

Have a great 2012 and yeah… December…

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